How do you explain to someone why you made such a big decision? What seems so drastic and not needed to people makes so much sense when I think about it.
No, I am not 400 lbs, no I don't eat three full pizzas or drink 24-48 cans of soda a day. So why would I think of going to such a drastic length to get 80% of my stomach chopped off and have to take vitamins for the rest of my life? Warning, TMI to come, so read on with caution.
The first time I realized I was actually heavy was when I saw a picture of myself at my friend's wedding in 2009. WOAH! I thought to myself, I totally do NOT see myself like that at all! What happened? Sure I had a child, sure I was back to eating American food from living in Europe and eating healthier but had I really gotten THAT BIG?? No problem right? Diet, exercise, mental blocking and I'd be fine....
2010, I left my horrible marriage, moved in with my mother and got out more. Worked in a bagel shop that made me sweat til I thought I could not sweat anymore, and I got down to where I thought I looked good, and truthfully I was happy and healthy.
But somehow between then and now I had gotten extremely high blood pressure, GERD, risk for diabetes (runs in family) and I could barely carry something heavy or walk up and down a flight of stairs without losing my breath and having to stop. Clothes became harder to find that fit, and if they did fit I would absolutely HATE how they looked or looked on me.
Now this is where I really started to considered what could I do. I tried some dieting and couldn't stick with it because I was ALWAYS hungry. EAT EAT EAT is all I could think. Tried some prescription weight loss/appetite suppressants and nothing, didn't feel even a little change.I was gaining more and more and truthfully, couldn't even clean myself properly during the day.... It got to the point where I was sitting at a Souper Salad and saw this very heavy couple with their plates full of "healthy" food and just forkful after forkful shoveling it down. The thought that went thru my head was, "OMG, this is what I look like to people?!"
I was driving down the highway one day and I heard an advert for Baptist Health System's Weight loss Center and decided to just look it up and see what it was all about. I doubted that I would qualify. I wasn't 400 lbs. What else would I need to qualify? With nothing to lose except an hour for an appointment I went for it.
I met with my doctor and he explained why I couldn't stop eating and why diet nor exercise would work because my body was ultimately self sabotaging itself.
In everyone's stomach there are chemicals that are emitted to the brain to let them know when to eat and when not to. Well apparently, some stomachs, such as mine, release WAY too many chemical responses to the brain and even when we KNOW we are full and not hungry, our stomachs keep yelling "FEED ME, FEED ME", we comply. Doesn't matter how hard we try, we comply.
The sleeve procedure, which is what I just had, consists of removing up to 80% of the stomach there for removing 80% of those chemicals yelling feed me to the brain. Yes, it is permanent and people can still gain it all back if they don't adhere to the correct lifestyle, however comparing it to the other options this was the best fit and more likely to succeed than say the lap-band which may take many readjustments before it works correctly. Ya, I prefer only one procedure thanks.
So yes, it may seem extreme. Cutting out 80% is major! You can stretch it back out but that it if you absolutely don't follow the guidelines. I took this step because I hate having to take so many pills everyday, I hate always being hungry when I know I am not and shouldn't be, I hate thinking that if I kept up like this my daughter might not have me in the future.
Trust me, this was not an easy decision. While it seems like it all went fairly quickly from my first appointment in Dec/Jan til now, but these thoughts have been going thru my mind for a few years now, It just took my increased pill intake, thinking about my daughter without her mom would be like, a perfectly timed radio advert and a great doctor to get me to this point.
I do not regret it, even though I am sore and gassy and bloated and tired and craving texture in my mouth because I know what the end goal will be. It will be a healthier me for myself and my daughter. So no matter how many people disagreed with this procedure, I only need myself's approval to move me forward into this life changing (literally) adventure.
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